Master Report (4)

The studio camera had been levered onto a pulley system and swooped into the studio giving panoramic shots of the usually supra-visual mess behind scenes, a nest of angry wires, and a sleeping cue caller before falling onto the main desk. Mitch spun with as much gravitas as he could muster, "IT'S Mitch Masters here with another instalment of the Masters Reeeeeport!" The camera began listing ever so slightly to the left and the anchor's head moved with it, "Ring a ding ding! What's that sound? It's the sound of our doomsday clock hitting midnight! The day of RECKONING for the Titans is here! At long, long, looong last we will hear what the future has in store for our pint-sized pesterers. Sense? Sanity?! There's always time for a first! Are they with our city? Or are they gonna stand up, and crouch back down, announcing to the city WHAT WE ALWAYS KNEW ALL ALONG, that they have no intention of following our laws. That they're too good to take to our way of living. That they're enemy of the government - and thus - enemy of the people!"

"I'd like to take this moment to thank our loyal viewership for sticking to the fight all these years. I promised you RESULTS! And you don't get any resultier than what we have here tonight! All those years you've tuned in. All those rallies we've had, waves we've made. ALL THE PICTURES! It all led to this moment tonight. You're each the real heroes in my book."

At this point someone caught the camera and pushed it back up straight. With some difficulty, Mitch righted himself, "We've joined us just in time to go to our cameras LIVE at city hall. Where the newly enchained Mayor Desiree now takes her podium, given the privilege of announcing the fate of the so-called Teen Titans. Let's go there now."

Anyone currently watching would see the scene unfolding as described. There did however seem to be an issue with the audio, in that there was none! Masters could vaguely be heard grumbling something for a moment. "We seem to be having some technical difficulties. But don't worry, we should have it fixed in- Ah! There we go!" Masters assures the audience as Charlotte finished making whatever little speech she planned to make, with Robin taking the podium next to officially deliver the titans' answer. Then suddenly, there would be a loud commotion from inside the studio. One could only easily describe the first sound as someone kicking open a door while exclaiming, "DYNAMIC ENTRY!" "H-hey! What's going- WHAT? HEY! Where's security? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? You can't do this to me!" Masters protests are virtually drowned out by constant honks, squeaks and assorted airhorn sounds of varying pitch as he is forcefully dragged away off screen and the cameras cut back to the studio.

"WHY HELLO there ladies and gentlemen~ we're NOT sorry to interrupt your regularly scheduled programming to bring you this exciting alternative!" a sharply dressed, masked man in a top hat greeted the audience sitting atop Masters' desk- glancing through his notes only to throw them over his shoulder. "It's been TOO LONG! The last time I was here, IT WAS LIT.... ON FIRE! Second verse, different than the first, NOW IT'S SNOWDIN!" He continued as the camera cut away for a moment to a small, winter coat masked creature at a drum set. Badum tss!

"Thank you, Steve. Now let's go back to what everyone actually tuned in for Civil War part two electric BLOOgaloo. It appears that a fight has broken out! I'm getting word from a Steve on the scene that... the titans are NOT taking the deal. TO THE SURPRISE OF NO ONE! DOMA's decided to try and nip this in the bud and is trying to arrest them on the spot. Oh oh! Looks like a certain Scottish Lass has managed to break ahead of the nameless DOMA goons in pursuit-" he paused for a moment to take a drink from Masters' mug, promptly spitting it out and pouring the rest of it's contents on Master's chair. The footage would follow what the crazy masked man was saying. After making it clear they weren't taking the deal, DOMA engaged and initiated a kind of chase through the crowd into the streets. "Oh look at that they're breaking out those... those machines that fly around. I wonder if any of the titans have a phone number they can call to remove their five star wanted level. NOPE! I am being told that this is infact, NOT a game and any evidence to the contrary is just crazy. YOU WOULD ALSO think that Beastboy would've, I dunno... changed into something by now. Oh wait, Lassie and Birdbrain are getting into it now! Looks like with DOMA trucks causing more backup thana lactose intolerant color eating cheese, they have them cornered. Looks like Lassie's TAKEN OUT HER GUNs!" he continued the play by play, the camera shifting off to the side and catching sight of Masters tied up with colorful scarfs and being scribbled on by permenant markers by more of the little masked henchmen. The camera would be righted again, not that it mattered since the footage again would play out as being described. With the mention of Beastboy not transforming, one had to wonder what was going on. "Lassie" would in the chance she had, just start blasting! Raven would counter with a forecefield as Starfire rained down starbolts on her and the rest of the DOMA agents in pursuit.

"Oh my what's this? STEVE! Didn't we copyright wearing masks? No? TELL STEVE FROM ACCOUNTING THAT HE'S FIRED! Anyway- OH LOOK! He's an anime weab using a fireball jutsu! That's broken up the titans. Looks like Lassie is going after Robin, the others are tailing Starfire and Raven. Again, very strange that Beastboy has yet to transform but it looks like he and Cyborg are trying to hold off the agents so the others can escape," he'd yell at "Steve" who was off-screen as the footage continued playing. Another strange thing that some viewers may or may not realize is- this had turned into a kind of high-speed chase. Who was filming this? The angles put you right by the action which made it clear that this wasn't being filmed via helicopter- the studio couldn't afford one yet. Or Masters was cheap, or something of that nature.

The footage would then cut back to Lassie and Robin who had taken their chase to the rooftops. "There a way we can get this damnable machines to pick up what they're saying? You don't know how? CONSIDER YOURSELF FIRED STEVE!" He'd yell at "Steve" again as the video feed continued with Lassie and Robin duking it out, eventually ending with Lassie just blasting Robin off the roof and landing into the streets below with a clang. Wait. A Clang? Wait- they picked THAT up but couldn't pick up dialogue? What cheap jury-rigged hunk of junk were they using?

"Ooooh what's this? People usually go splat when they fall of buildings. That's no bird, THAT'S AN AUTOMATON- A robot for you simpletons. Ah yes, I'm recieving word that the other 'titans' have also been apprehended, only for the agents to find MORE robots. It appears that this entire thing was one huge farce. Was it done to make DOMA look like incompetent fools? Was it designed because there was NO REASON IN CHARACTER for the titans to even announce their decision? And why robots? Couldn't they have just simply not even done anything as a response? Maybe it was to create the illusion that action and progress was had," the masked madman would start rattling off to an audience that were well beyond the one actually "hearing" him speak. The footage would return to the studio, where the masked man was now tap dancing on top of Masters' desk.

"Well color me amused. I guess the titans are done for! They've made their position known, DOMA had a chance to try and catch em before they got away AND FAILED! Now the eternal purgatory that is DOMA being here can go into part two! What will happen next? Will the titans continue fighting crime while being criminals? Will DOMA succeed in arresting them and also arresting the MANY MANY criminals still running around? Will Lassie ever get more screen time? BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY! WILL IT STOP SNOWING? These answers and more at Eleven!" The madman cackled as a small little disclaimer scrolled by saying, "there will not be a follow up at eleven."

"I had a witty follow up but I don't wanna get sued! Incase any of this was hard to follow- GET GOOD! The titans have told DOMA to take a hike, DOMA continues to do nothing impressive, there's still snow- and I AM BACK! The entertainer of the masses, the host with the most, the mag-magical magician, and the only one who seems to still be paying attention to this little speck of dust on the table that is your existence- FASILLI! And this is Steve," Fasilli finally introduced himself before the camera panned over to a random little masked henchman who waved excitedly. "Before I go back to my trailer and bask in the magnificence that is me, I'd like to formally invite any of the so-called 'less-desirables' of this city who may be hiding underground from DOMA. I am always looking for fresh talent to include in my show! And since DOMA can't do a thing against me because- HAHAHAHA NORMAL PEOPLE! You can feel assured that our dealings will not be interrupted. For anyone interested, you can get in contact with my secretary Steve here," text would scroll by at the bottom really fast and even freeze framed it would basically read, "don't question it too much and just tell boss man you're interested."

"And now back to your regularly scheduled, 'titan bashing' propaganda progamming~" Fasilli finally finished taking off his hat with a bow, a glowing pentacle appearing behind him. A balloon escaped through with the sound of circus horns, honks and squeaks following as Fasilli gracefully stepped back into it. Steve and Steves in general would follow suit, all but one who instead crashed into the desk because the portal closed before he got there. The Steve panicked and did the only logical Steve thing by- finding the closest window and... jumping through it, landing on the street below with a squeak. Even without the fact Steve was Steve, the snow made an excellent cushion.

Masters would stumble onto set shortly afterwards wiping at his face with a hanky in futile efforts to restore order. He muttered angrily to himself before uttering a cry to call DOMA. Then he saw the camera was still running and clicked for a new microphone. Someone brought him one, clipping it to his collar as he surged forward with barely concealed anger.

"Savaging the media in broad daylight! The Titans will pay for this affront! Mitch clearly isn't done yet!" Before the feed cut out.