Where Do You See Yourself (Pika)

Well that had been an interesting evening. Kiara came out of the Maternity Ward and took a much needed seat in the waiting area, balancing her staff between her legs. The rest of the room all stole glances at her elaborate mask but she only smiled back if she noticed them at all. Her head was filled with vague dreams of having a child of her own. All the babies she had seen were pudgy little balls of delight with laughter that could light up her soul.

All except the homicidal fae that had been masquerading as one.

Sometimes when the wee-folk got old they decided to go into retirement. Lily had told her it wasn't strictly legal, but an elderly fae could try to swap places with a human infant. Then they would be looked after by the parents. A cushy lifestyle indeed, but at the cost of the poor child they'd first cradle-robbed. She hadn't thought to ask what happened to them in the meanwhile.

She'd spent the passed two hours trying to convince a couple that their baby was a fae, and furthermore, they should beat it until their real child returned. It was not a popular notion, to say the least. But it had all worked out in the end. She'd just kidnapped the kid for a bit and traumatised the parents a little. They'd get over it now that they had their real child back from that changeling (which thankfully other doctors could confess to seeing after it attacked).

A pair of orderlies behind her were stood at the corner of a clerical desk, taking a moment to catch up on each other, "-no I swear. He's the real deal."

"No way. That's shocking. Then who is he?"

"Oh I forget the surname. Kane someone. It'll probably be on the Masters Report tonight."

"Yikes. Will he ever hero again?"

"Hell no! The leg came clean off. It was a miracle we could stablise him."

"That's a shame. The Titans seem so inaccessible. I liked Kicker."

Kiara turned at the mention of that name. Kicker? That was the name her brief ally had gone by back at Halloween. It couldn't have been a coincidence. He was here? And he was hurt? Her heart which had been soaring dipped. She should make a point to drop in on him. Not that they knew each other well. But they had fought together. He deserved her condolences at the very least.

Asking for the room number didn't cross her mind. Kiara instead picked one of the orderlies at random and followed them when they left. She tracked them across the hospital for so long that they eventually realised they were being tailed. At the next corridor the woman suddenly bolted! Kiara gave chase! Tzul eventually lost sight of her somewhere along the Trauma Ward. She paused to catch her breathe and then looked into the room to her left.

Growing solemn, the shaman slowly stepped into the room and gently closed the door behind her. He looked much smaller than when she last saw him, "Does it still hurt?"

It hurt. Not the leg itself, as long as he didn't move it too much. What hurt was what was missing. Not just the physical leg itslef. What was missing was the source of his power. His kick that he had such confidence in. Kane had never lost before. He'd failed before, failed to catch the bad guy, failed to save people. Failure hurt, but loss hurt even more. Maybe if he'd at least lost in a fair fight it wouldn't be so bad.

Kane sat there, thinking about how it was now impossible to hide the fact that he's Kicker. He looked enough like him already, the only thing that was stopping him from being held back was the Clark Kent factor in the first place. But now that he had lost his leg, at the exact same time as Kicker, it was far too obvious. Kane sighed, laying back, it was all over. Being Kicker had been the best thing of his life, even if there was always a chance of this happening.

But now it was over. What would Kane do now? His moment of self reflection was ruined by the sound of a familiar voice. It was Kiara, his temporary ally from all the way back in halloween. It felt like so long ago, probably because it was quite a long time ago. She asked if his injury still hurt, but he decided to play dumb about knowing her Huh? Wh-who are y-you?

She had to steel herself against the revulsion. There was a primal abhorrence at beholding the lame. It reminded you of a fate considerably worse than death. Uselessness. Kiara tried to smile but it would not come. This was harder than it seemed in her head a few moments ago. She didn't even really know the guy. Then again, she barely knew Grimm and they were like family.

However, what made her shiver, what made her truly recoil was when he tried to feign ignorance. She had not considered until just then that there might be a reason he wore a mask. That he might want to keep two worlds separate. She herself wore one for cultural reasons. And because it was cool. She was trespassing onto the wrong side of his life. He hadn't just lost a leg.

Kiara hooked a chair with her staff and dragged it towards her. She than sat down next to the bed and tried to look him in the eye, "Kicker. They know. They all know."

Kiara was serious, something that Kane had not thought possible of her considering their first meeting, saying his hero name and telling him that everyone knows. Kane sighed, no use trying to deny it now I f-figured... P-pretty hard to c-cover up... He tried to play it off as if it wasn't a big deal, but it wasn't very convincing. Kane found himself wondering what his parents were thinking right now, if they'd found out.

Kiara found it difficult to speak. She didn't know what she wanted to say but knew she must say something. There was an unspoken gravity to the situation. Hollow words of encouragement or inquiring into the facts of the matter were not her, "I heard by happenstance. There is no such thing as coincidence. I think..." Now she knew what she wanted to say. It didn't make it any easier in the saying. Kane had been tenacious. A man of great inner strength. She had watched him will himself to stand on next to no energy.

"I think what you decide to do next is very important. My father is a spiritualist. He believes that following a traumatic event the spirit lingers on the boundary of life and death. That a person can die while they are still alive." Considering Kiara could see spiritual energy, she should have been able to dismiss this. Her father's beliefs and her true sight often conflicted. However, that did not mean she disbelieved. She had known people to shut themselves down, shut everyone else out. And nothing that she could observe explained the change.

"I fear for you." He had already lost his leg and his secret identity. She prayed that he wouldn't not also lose the thing that made him a hero. His compulsion.

Kiara started to say something, but then paused, making Kane tilt his head slightly in confusion, but then she kept on talking. She went on to say how Kane's next decision was important, then talked about her fathers belief on how people can die while still alive after something really bad happens. Kane kind of understood what that meant. He could understand how this feeling could lead to something that felt like death. Kiara then admitted that she was scared for him. Kane didn't exactly know what to say to that You're telling me I might die spiritually?

He asked her to speak plain and Kiara had to pause. It did seem rather dramatic. In this day and age they had specialists in this sort of mental pain. Psychologists, she thought they were called. However, she wouldn't exactly swear by them; they who thought to try and map the human psyche. With all its twists and turns and pitfalls. She answered him, "Why else would I be here?" As she said. She didn't believe in coincidence.

Kiara rose and walked to the window. She drew the blinds and made the room more gloomy than it had already been. Kane's foot smelled of blood and antiseptic and she wrinkled her nose at that. She didn't know if she could help. But her thought was to try, "Where do you intend to go from here?" He hadn't said much about his own condition yet.

She confirmed his concerns by stating that she wouldn't be here for another reason. She went over and closed the blinds, making the already depressing look of the room go even worse. If Kane was in his Kicker persona, he probably would have made a joke about that. She then asked where he intended to go. That was a hard question. But Kane didn't need to think about it, he'd already been doing so for a while I can't go anywhere without my leg. I can't go back to being Kicker without it, and I can't have a normal life, because I'll be in a wheelchair and everyone will know I was Kicker! he sighed Honestly, I wouldn't mind losing my secret identity as much if I still had my leg.

Kiara resumed her seated position. She held her staff upright between her knees. From behind her mask she had a sense of looking down on the trauma patient. As asked he unloaded his chief concerns, a collection of doubts and frets that often infested the minds of the grief stricken. Benighted One nodded slowly, "That's probably all true. Your life prospects appear to be 'burden' or 'recipient of pity'. I-If you don't mind me saying so." Well denial wasn't going to help anyone. Few people admitted to knowing what to say in situations like this. The truth was there were less wrong answers than right. As long as she spoke with kindness, she was hopeful that what she said would be of benefit.

"Maybe you could explain to me why you kept a secret identity. I am not given to having one myself. I like people to know me. Friend or foe. But I understand our enemies differ somewhat?" She could guess, but she wanted to hear his reasons in his own words. Get to the root of what had been endangered by its loss. He probably needed to hear it for himself.

Kiara decided to be brutally honest, saying that he'd spend the rest of his life either being a burden or receiving pity, both of which sounded worse than hell. She then asked if he minded her saying so, which made him laugh dryly I-It's okay... She then asked him why he kept the identity, he thought about his answer for a second Well, I wanted to keep my two lives separate, I guess... Also, if people knew about my identity then I'd be in danger... and my family... he paled, not saying anything else.

Kiara considered his answer. Yes, she supposed the type of criminal he was after, the man on the street, would think to bring their violence at an easier target. His loved ones and acquaintances. Doubtless his heroic activities had engendered a lot of vindictiveness. He was passed hurting physically, but they could keep hurting him mentally, "Not to mention you wouldn't be able to avenge them in your current condition, let alone defend them." Benighted nodded understandingly, "Then friends. How many friends have you cultivated in your life? Who will rise to your banner and fight for what is precious to you now that you no longer can? Who will lend you the strength that you lack without pause or complaint? Who will be your lost leg?"

Kiara asked him what friends he has that will protect his loved ones, Kane thought about it. With the exception of Kiara herself, he'd fallen out of contact with most friends or ally he'd ever made as Kicker. Even then, he'd only really met her this second time by pure chance. He had people he hung out with as Kane, but they're just ordinary people, he couldn't possibly ask them to do it ...I have no one

Kiara tried to chew on that. Maybe he was being too hard on himself, or maybe he spoke the truth. An illustrious career suddenly lost its glamour when you realised how little it had earned you. That was a path to regret. Kicker was probably thinking of all the things he could of done different. All the things he would do different if just some benign being would bestow him a second chance.

Not worth it...

The shaman brushed her braid over her shoulder and nodded glumly. His family's newfound personal danger not withstanding; Kane probably heroed for an ideal. It was possible he thought society needed some change or protection that he was (used to be...) able to provide. Imagine finding your calling in life and losing it. That was likely what he was experiencing now. Benighted could relate. She fancied herself a solitary champion in her own cause. Even Brother Grim didn't share her philosophy. If she was unable to continue her work, or convince another to do so, she didn't know how she would come to terms with it.

"Now here is the important question. Consider this mess. The prospects you can foresee, the help you can expect, and the consequences to your loved ones. And ask yourself this. Do you envision things better if you were no longer around?"

There was silence for a little bit. Horrible, horrible silence. Kane wanted to fill the silence with a joke or something, but it was hardly the place for such a thing. Silence leaves you with nothing to do but think. Kane didn't like thinking at this moment. After such an event, there were only negatives to think about.

Then Kiara broke the silence with a question. She asked if he could see things being better if he wasn't around anymore. He thought about it, that was an important question. All of her questions were important, to be fair. They all required thought. They'd exchanged only a minutes worth of words, but they'd been there for like ten minutes. He finally gave his answer No. After everything that's happened, I need to be there for my family, in whatever limited way I can be. I can't just abandon them, that's just cowardly. Maybe that's not a good answer, but it was still his answer.

Kiara rose herself from her seat again. She walked back over to the window and took away the blinds, "That's as dark as it gets." The sunlight filtered through the eyeholes of her mask. A halo ringed her body from the residual illumination, "Let's talk about the prospects now, rather than the problems." So he had thought, and thought hard about it, and he wouldn't choose suicide. Hopefully that one moment of clarity would sustain him through the tough years ahead. It had to.

"Maybe you and your family could start a new life. In a new land. Maybe under a new name." This child of Belize did not know that witness protection was a thing. So what she was suggesting was even easier than she imagined, "That would deny your enemies. It is also true that travel enriches the soul. I have learned much on my travels. Far more than I have ever had a desire to know. You can find new life for yourself. New purpose." Of course all of this continued to put a strain on his loved ones. Travel was also uprooting. Tumultuous.

Furthermore, just because he was well enough not to end his own life, it did not mean his grief could not manifest in other ways. Specifically, that he may take it out on those closest to him. People in Kane's state were known for swatting away carrots dangled in front of them. They had experienced loss before. Giving them something new was just inviting pain all over. And the people holding that carrot got bitten.