Kay-the Cherokee (grammar fixed)

Ooc: (sorry grammar and spelling have never been my strenghts hopefully rping will help with that. It did for kaatisu he was worse than me before rping.



Name: Kay

Codename: Cherokee

Alias: Tanner Shane

Nickname: Nature caller

Birthday: Unknown

Age: 16

Affiliation: Hero

Hair: Black

Eye color: Green


Height: 5ft 6 in

Weight: 130lb

Appearance: Wears traditional Indian clothes and head dress and a pouch that holds magical herbs; is skinny but athletically built and has broad shoulders

Powers:
Mystic potion: A potion that when used will heal all minor wounds, some moderate wounds, and a few major wounds; can only use at a max of 5 posts. The more severe the wound the longer it takes for the potion to take effect(3-for minor 6-moderate 9-severe).

Animal spirit: Gains power of the animals in the world from the speed of cheetah, strength of gorilla, to hearing of the bat, and etc. He can combine traits and to activate powers, Kay says “release the animal with in” and says what traits of animal he wants to use like strength of ox, speed of such and such animal; max traits combined 3.


Call of the wild: Calls any nearby animals to his aid. The max of animals he can control is 5. They will not be side tracked in the task he sets them to no matter how tough it may be,as for what type of animal it just depends on where he is. He mainly calls wolves, bears, and birds that are hunters though he can take control of the animals in the zoo and has built a system for when he calls them. They go over to a button, push it, and then a ramp opens down to the sewers so they can reach him and another one that opens into the city.

Equipment: Bow, arrows, dagger, and small spear for close combat.
Weakness: He is human, can't face real powerful enemies.

Strengths: Hand to hand combat, he grew up fighting others to prove that he had the right to live among his tribe. The bow and arrows he uses could kill a deer moving at a dead run and at a 150ft distance. Growing the max he shot with accuracy was 280ft. His spear came to him naturally when he was young. By age of 10 he was able to beat all but a handful of the elite warriors and the chief of his tribe.

Likes: Nature, animals, and healing

Dislikes: Death, destruction of nature, and powerful enemies

Habits: Hunting, skinning animals and using every part. Clicking his tongue when nervous

Personality: Calm when most are not, but does not speak often except when spoken to. Is a good consular to those in need when he senses that someone needs advice. He is loyal to those he trusts to death, even he is proud of all that he can do and won't quit till he has set out to accomplish. He will not listen to those he believes has not proven themselves worthy of his trust in them.




Family: Unknown

Place of origin: Reservation

Background: Kay was left on a reservation when he was only a few weeks old. One of the woman having lost a child recently in her grief came across him and she thought he was her son so he was raised by her. As Kay got older, he had to fight the other boys for their respect thus how he became skilled in his hand to hand combat and he began to learn the tribes rituals and he showed a natural ability with animals. After eventually he discovered his powers of controlling the weather, he developed them to his best ability. Eventually he decided to leave the reservation and explore the world but before he left, the chief came and told him of a vision he had of Kay that he would eventually come to a place called Jump and would become part of a large tribe that served all called the “Teen Titans”.


RP sample:
Kay awoke in his mother’s teepee feeling that his life was missing something. This was strange for him all through the day he was distracted when his chores where done he went to find one of the elders. The first place he went to was the sweat lodge where he found the chief. Kay gulped and steeled his courage]/color]"Chief Running Wolf, may I enter I seek guidance?" the chief replied "enter Kay, what is the cause that you need guidance." Kay told the chief about how he was feeling that he was missing something in his life after telling his story nature sat and waited for the chief to answer the chief sighed and said " it is time when we found you there was major debates on whether or not to accept you into the tribe your mother was torn with grief as you know and saw you as the spirit of the child she lost had returned to her so did some of the other women of the tribe did to and a several men debates went for days till one day I had a vision of you leavening here one of us to go to a tribe in the land of jump to protect many that can not protect themselves with a group of warriors called teen titans I believe the time has come" Kay left the following morning knowing what was ahead of him but no idea on how he was going to get there

Hey there welcome to the forum I'm JaK. I like the healing part of your powers very much. But, I (personally) feel the elemental stuff is lacking some detail because as of right now, your char can just make a monsoon as long as it's raining outside? Or make a bolt of lightning strike out of nowhere? Maybe redefine this a bit to come from a spell book or something? Or just put a cap on how much of an area his storm/earth powers can cover? Another improvement could be to maybe add some more examples of what he can do, you said earthquakes; but can he make waves out of pools, Can he make leaves come together like mats and clothing?

Also on the animal thing I'm wondering how many animals can he control at once, if he's at the zoo will they all break from their cages and attack me? How absolute is his control over them, if I throw a steak at the tiger will he stop attacking me and go for it? If I shoot it will it run away or jut keep coming for my character?

Not to mention a picture could be helpful as so I could see if I'm dealing with a Tarzan looking guy or a regular Joe that caries spears?

These are just flaws that I personally noted, but I'm no Moderator. Simca or Emblem will be by later to give you his/her personal run over what you need to change or they might just approve you.

~Cheers

Dear Midget,

JaK had already given some vital points on your character, so I can skip those. I however, have some more to add.

I would think his name and alias are to be swapped. The more I read, the more it confuses me. Here's the thing; Even if your character is as clear as crystal to you, we have no idea who he is and what he can do. A clear profile is a simple way to solve this. If everyone knows who and what he is, they will be moer likely to RP with you. Confusion breeds chaos.

I would also kindly suggest using a spell checker before you post anything at all. Especially important when posting in a thread and in this character profile. The more errors in it, the less likely people will respond positive to it. Logically, a few errors will always be there but avoid them as much as possible. I'm also interested if you mean he's one of the Cherokee instead of charakee. your profile does seem to hint to it, but I cannot be sure.

About the powers, well JaK said most of it. We need to have clear boundaries. What can he do, what is out of reach? Your character description is too concise, as is your description of powers. Way too short for others to be able to figure out what you mean. It's all way to concise. Let me explain:

strengths:hand to hand combat bow and arrow and the such

I will like to conpare this to my one of my own charactersanother character: Apache

( https://ttrpg.forumotion.com/active-f50/apache-t230.htm )

Apache is a semi-typical Native American in ways that he also has his tribe with their own shamanatic gods and rituals, respecting nature and more of that. His strenghts are somewhat similar. However, if you read his profile (and this still is quite a short one, others are way more detailed) the image you get is much more clear. If I have to rename it, Nature Caller's strenghts will be:

Strenghts: Nature Caller is skilled in general hand-to-hand combat and is skilled in the use of bow and arrow.

However, this is still too concise. You see, how skilled is he? Can he pin a fly from a hundred feet distance without killing it? I had to describe, as you can see on Apache's profile, how skilled he is. It's also explained in his short history. yours does not really seem to tell us why he is skilled in such combat.

Please try to work out your character. He must have more personality then two lines, there can be more you can say about him. Please follow the spelling rules and use a checker to make sure the numbers of errors stay at a minimum! If there's no .'s and Capped letters then I don't know when a sentence ends and the other begins!

For me, English isn't my first language. There are more members on here who have different nationalities, and as such, different languages. A profile needs to be clear, and quite frankly, this one isn't yet.

If there's any trouble in doing so, do not hesitate to contact me or post in the Medical Bay. Until then, regrettably,

DENIED

~Emblem

Just side note emblem he is one of my freinds that goes to church with me we where no where near done but had to leave so he posted to save it hear and he should be getting on real shortly to finsh

Let me just say it right now, but sorry using post as a way to determine stuff is not good at all. EXP: If you make an tornado class 5, all you'll need is one post to win the battle at times and if we found a way to stop it, it would be right after you posted it most likely. So ya using a four post method, six post seven post w/e isn't gonna really work very well in long run. It might for some people, but most likely it's just difficult, trust me I know. I'm the only one as of right now that I think uses post to measure my chars powers for Ben 10 and the problem is, post do not have a time set to them. If were posting a conversation, a sentence from you isn't gonna span 5 minutes, so if I post two sentences right after you make tornado is it gonna be gone already??? Same goes for if you post a sentence to me did the time it take to talk get rid of your attack, or speed up how fast your potion wears off?

Quote :

they will not be side tracked in the task he sets them to no matter how tough it may be for 28 post

O_O...If you have a 28 post fight with an Elephant, Dog or Zebra involved you must be in Africa or something.

Anyway this is again just my opinion of things I think you should nix to help with approval and I could be wrong, it's really up to you.

It's no problem Kaatius, he could have posted Work n Progress though, that would've saved me the trouble of reviewing it. I will hear it when it's done!

Seeing the topic is edited and says it's done. Here's my judgment:

DENIED

I'm sorry, but both JaK and my helpful hints aren't seen. If you insist on keeping the post thing, that's fine by me, but I can't get myself to read this. It takes a lot of effort to read it all. Remember: I'm not English, and while other members are, some are more advanced at English then others. I will show you wit ha snippet from your own post:

call of the wild: calls any near by animals to his aid the max of animals he can control is 5 they will not be side tracked in the task he sets them to no matter how tough it may be just depends on where he is he mainly calls wolfs and bears and birds that are hunters though he can take control of the animals in the zoo and has built a system for when he calls them the go over to a button and push it and then a ramp opens down to the sewers so the can reach him and one that opens into the city

Emblem's Head says: No Capped letters, no full stops --> One sentence!

Now I know that can't be the case, but to discern the content, I need to putthe full stops everywhere myself. In my mind. Just to understand it. I'd have to read it multiple times, just to know what it says. I discern about 6 or7 sentences now, but the content itself is the next step.

As long as it ain't clear to me, I won't bother assessing it. I'm sorry but I have no time to shake up a headache. I'd kindly ask you to rewrite it with full stops and CAPS where needed.

Much Better. Thank you.

Approved.

P.S. IF you need help RPing, don't be shy to ask around.