Jenny's Diary

I can't call him, I can't locate him, I can't give up but... I know I should by now... A few weeks ago i called my Ex telling him the real reason why I broke up with him.... I held off telling him straight up that I loved him I and I don't think I ever would stop but... I held off from it thinking I was giving him enough on his plate... I should have told him...

During mid sentence I assume he was taken and ever since I have been unable to contact him... based on what I had heard I think he was in a lot of trouble and for all know he's dead now...

either way i can't save him cause i don't know where he is and no real way to find him since i can't connect to his communicator... and if he wasn't in trouble.... well clearly by now if he hasn't called me back some how he doesn't want to see or hear from me again.

It hurts to admit this but there's nothing I can really do so I'll just leave him be... sigh... I have the worst time with guys... Maybe I should try girls... they do look hotter and better than guys generally for me anyways but chances are either I'll have bad luck with them too or #%!$ up again...

I dunno.... All I do know is because of how things went down with Jak.. I'll never forget him nor get this last big chunk of my heart that is dedicated for him out. Anyways I decided to start a diary on my laptop you know to help me figure out things and write down my thoughts as they come and hey maybe after I'm dead one day someone will find this and learn a mega secret that changes the world.... yeah probably not...

-Jenny

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I finished the last bits of my album today which means it will come out next month.... yay.. *a tear stain worps the paper but not the text* I should be happy but honestly I'm not nor do i ever think I will be again. And it's not about Jak.... well all about him... he does play a good sided deal though. Looking back I am no where near the same girl I was 2 years ago. I used to never talk, I was scared of anyone but my brother and parents, I was scared to leave the house especially after I nearly died from bleeding out because the locals pelted me with rocks to that point.. though I still kept going out and hoping that things would change...

More tears worp the page

They didn't.... I didn't tell anyone but when I went to my parents funeral the town was there and pelted me and beat me until I was to the point that they thought that I would die on my own. They hated me even more since I was the cause of my family's death... It it wasn't because of my healing ability I would have died there though I did have to spend a week or so in hiding to let my bones properly heal. I wanted to die but I knew I couldn't and that things would get better once I got back to Jump and got to see all my friends and boyfriend.

I quickly realized that I couldn't even face them and that most of them I didn't even know that well to call them my friends...but that was okay... I had Kale right...? I had him so losing everything, nearly dieing again, all this pain was worth it because I had him right??.... wrong.... the week I got back after saving his ass many times... he broke my heart.... I officially had nothing...

But that was okay cause then Jak was there for me and I had jak... a real reason to live other than I can't just give up and die.... then I got pregnant and I was so scared but then when he didn't leave me I was finally happy. I lost my family but now I could make a new one.... I was impaled killing the baby making me nearly die again.... then I broke up with Jak in hopes to keep him safe and when i realized that as stupid I called him to apologize and lost him forever.

I have horrible luck with guys.... first 16... crawled into my life I found a group of friends that accepted me and he betrayed us and got everyone killed including himself but me and my best friend... she got in a coma and I was in one for a month while recuperating from getting shot 12 times.... I was lucky to be alive again.... clearly something wants me to live for something.... or it just wants to mess with me until I finally do die.

So so far I have nearly died through only counting the times I have was injured and not could have died through one attack or something.

Pelting by rocks
Getting shot 12 times
Getting impaled
Getting pelted and beaten
Getting shot out of the air in a helicopter and possibly could have drown by my injury
Nearly losing all my energy and getting killed by a guy in a suit of armor
Nearly blown up many many times by god knows how many bombs

And probably more but I cant think of right now because I'm bad at lists. But clearly a lot has happened to me and how I am alive right now is a major mystery to me. But I want to keep going, I want to keep trying to change who I am for the better, and I want to find another reason to keep going and living.. I'm going to die one day but I'm going to keep fighting till I do and when I do if no one misses me.... well I guess that's better because my death won't make anyone sad.

Anyways I'm heading out now writing in a book because I don't want to talk to anyone about this or feel comfortable talking to them about this is a bit sad and getting mopey like.

-Jenny

Okay I promise this entry isn't sad at all it's actually kinda really happy. I know I know what is this magic?! but I actually am happy right now which makes me paranoid cause the world never lets me be happy for long but I shall ignore this cause I want to enjoy this. I just spent all day and will spend all of tomorrow filming music videos for my new album which will be released as the month goes on before the album comes out. Just got Bunny Hop done and I am sooooo cold but so worth it for the footage we got.But yeah that's it cause I'm tired and i want to sunggling and a thousand blankets cause again I am cold.

-Jenny

I have been thinking about something lately... if I died and stayed dead right now, generally no one would know of my past and what I have done and been though so I have decided to dedicate this Diary now to tell my past so after I'm dead if someone found this my story wouldn't be lost forever. So I guess I'll start now My stories my be scattered and randomly thrown around and placed but it's better than nothing.

About when I was 14 years old I was put in a pretty scary situation... I had no idea what to do and at the time it wasn't a new feeling. It was shortly after I was put off to be traveling alone again since I recently had lost my team. I had no energy to fly or use any of my powers and I had cuts and injures all over my body. I had finally reached the more northern states and unfortunately for me it was near winter time.

I stood on a freezing and scratched up bar that trains traveled on that was about 300 or more feet up into the air and falling was not an option. I was blind folded, my shoes and socks taken from me only leaving me with a torn up stripped long sleeve shirt and my faded and torn baggy blue jeans. My feet were burning from staying so long on the metal bars and I was mentally begging for my feet to finally go numb so I wouldn't have to feel the cold anymore on my feet nor the cold winds that slashed at my face.

I bit hard on the gag that was in my mouth and I held out my arms not daring to lower them in fear of losing balance and falling. Each time my steps slowed on the metal bar I felt something jab at my back that was sharp and hard though luckily dull, most likely my sword I had at the time. My long ears twitched in the cold but allowed me to hear some men behind me laughing as they forced me to walk knowing I had no other choice but to keep walking and hope that I wouldn't fall.

I didn't know where I was being forced to go to but I did know that the only reason I was there was because I was caught trying to steal some fruit from what turned out to be a local gang and unfortunately for me the members took enjoyment out of torturing others in the fashion they were now. That is after they beat their victims brutally for an hour or so. I was soon stopped and turned around so the metal bar was horizontally under my feet.

I felt as I was pushed but instead of falling they held me so my heels of my feet were barely on the bar and my hair yanking at my head as they held me up by my pigtails. They laugh as I freak the #%!$ out and hold my arms out in front of me hoping to feel something to grab onto and hold myself up but felt nothing. They then ripped of the blindfold on my ears letting my scared tears fall off my cheeks and downward to the sharp rocks below.

I looked at the rocks with wide frightened eyes before looking to the 3 men laughing off to the right of me who was filming the whole thing. I scream and plead to be freed but all that came out was a muffled sound. The man who held me got a better grip on my hair clutching it so it would yank at my head harder and he leaned forward to whisper in my ear. "So tell me you little freak is this worth that apple you wanted?"

I try to shake my head to say no but I stop as I felt the pain of my hair being pulled more. I see out of the corner of my eye a man holding my backpack, jacket, socks and shoes, Donna my stuffed animal, and my dull sword watching with a twisted grin. "Aren't you going to answer me? It's rude to ignore your elders like this kid." I try to reply but all that came out was muffled shouts. "You know what we do to rude kids like you?" He then shoved me off the edge. "We get rid of them!" he shouted as my stuff was tossed over the edge with me.

I flail my arms hoping to catch onto something or slow my fall some how as I fall towards the rocks but I felt sadly nothing touch even my fingertips. As I neared some rocks I held out my arms and legs hoping for the best I felt myself jerk and stop falling a few moments after I closed my eyes out of fear. I then slowly reopen them unable to feel my arms or legs because of the the cold. I see that I managed, with little strength and luck I had left, to wedge myself between some sharp rocks holding myself up by pressing against the rocks. Though I saw a frightening sight of my right hand impaled by part of one of the sharp rocks I was held up by.

I pant in fright and from exhaustion but I managed to press my legs and left arm more against the rocks and yank my hand out of the rock. I thank what ever god who decided to save me that my hand was too numb to feel at the moment as I slowly moved my way down to the bottom of the rocks that were on the ground. I slowly sit down as I use my good arm to take off the gag around my head. I then tied it around my hand to slow and or hopefully stop the bleeding until I could rest and heal my hand then. I rest my head against the rock behind me closing my eyes for a few moments trying not to pass out knowing this was not a good location to fall asleep right now.

For all my life up until then I was told all about heroes in many shapes and forms who stopped the bad guy, save the person in need or the object that might be stolen, and save the day stopping crimes everywhere. But I was starting to doubt the fact that they were everywhere since no heroes stopped me or my team from stealing, no heroes saved me nor everyone from 16, no one saved me from the people from my home town, no one saved me just then no one ever saved me. Only I have managed to save myself all my life and that didn’t seem like it was going to change.

I spent what felt like the next few hours thinking about the possibility that heroes were just another myth and none would ever help me survive and sadly I was partly right. I had and have only been saved by a hero once in my life when I was in an alleyway a few months ago and it ended off with him attacking me and chasing me down. I had always... have always... and probably always be left to fight all alone and by myself and for a long time I was at terms with that since every time I tried to work with others it backfired and I was left with nothing once again.

Maybe I was and am meant to only work alone, and trying to work with others will only result in pain and being left alone with nothing once again. I hate to think that way but it’s hard not to sometimes but I’m still trying my best to work with others and try to let others in despite knowing it will most likely end in more pain than love gained. When I broke up with Jak I was hoping to save the last thing I had at the time but all I managed to do was hurt him and myself more... and I lost it... but I pulled myself back together mostly though went into depression.

That depression lead to smoking and killing and then my death... I came back to life and I was still stuck in my depression so I just threw away my second chance again and when Jak saw me the way I was, he cut off any... no I cut off my chances of ever getting back one of the last things I had left that I loved so much by killing that man. In that moment I felt the most alone I had ever had forgetting that I had a new team and some of my old friends back but because of Jak I managed to come back to my senses and I came out of my depression.

But I’m getting off track now, time to get back to my story. I slowly opened my eyes having gotten some of my strength back, I used the rocks around me as a balancer so I would walk around easier though it was still hard since I was walking on hard pointy rocks. After a while I managed to find my things that were tossed down and sat down by it. I then put on my jacket and shoes sighing in relief now having protecting myself more from the environment.

I then put my stuffed animal in my backpack after checking my laptop that wasn’t too badly damaged from the fall my stuffed animal ha broke its fall. I then put my backpack on as I used my sword as a can walking and looking for shelter to rest in. I held my stomach lightly as I walked feeling that hunger was going to be one of my new probable ways of me dieing if I died down in the ditch that night.

After about an hour I found a small cave and went inside, it wouldn’t totally protect me from the cold but for the most part it did. I then laid on my backpack pulling up my hood and slowly drifted off into a freezing slumber. I awoke early in the morning and slowly and weakly sat up instantly going to my wounds and tending to them taking about what felt like another hour just healing them. I then heard a familiar sound, a trains horn.

I forced myself to quickly get up to my feet and use my flight in bursts to jump and climb my way out of the ditch. I looked forward then to see the train passing by crouching down waiting for just the right moment. I had done this many times before but this time it was vital that I didn’t miss not able to afford missing and falling down again. I then jumped and barely caught the end of of the railing of the back of the train.

I then pulled myself close to it and hugged it close afraid of falling off. I slowly moved into the train again luckily it was a cargo train so I avoided getting in trouble of hopping on and running into a guard or something on the train. I then closed the door for the most part but left it cracked to avoid being in pitch darkness. I then laid back down on the ground still tired from the day before and once again I fell back to sleep.

Not to long after that day had managed to get to a nearby city, where things were much warmer, and snatch some new clothes and food along with a blade sharpening rock and a sheath for my sword. I instead of wearing a long sleeve striped shirt and long baggy jeans, I wore a short sleeve striped shirt under a black tank top. A black pleated shirt over stripped tights and black converse shoes that went up to below my knee. Finally I had fingerless striped gloves that went to below my elbow and black fingerless gloves over that.

Needless to say I really liked stripes and the black and white themed outfits.... okay I still do like that style. Anyways I had managed to sneak into a dance club for an hour or so and during said time I hid and bounced to the playing music watching others dance. Though soon I was caught and literally thrown out of the club. I mumbled in annoyance as I dusted myself off my sword in it’s sheath on a strap going across my chest.

I looked around as I walked away from the club, I was walking for about a good half an hour or so, or so it felt like, before I heard a frightened scream of a little girl. I looked for the source and soon found it and it belonged to a little girl being carried off by a man going up to the roofs of some apartments. I narrowed my eyes the iris turning light blue, no heroes ever helped me but no one had yet to made a law forcing others to sign up to be heroes meaning I could be one at that moment if I wanted to.

That girl unlike me was going to have a hero to save her, I was going to be her hero! I decided as I ran over to the apartments and jumped up with the help of my flight jumping off the walls of an alley way. I landed sliding to a stop as the man quickly aimed a gun at the girls head before freezing and laughing when he saw that I was just some 14 year old girl. I narrowed my eyes as I slowly pulled out my sword.

He then aimed the gun at me still laughing as he spoke. “Who the #%!$ are you supposed to be kid? The sword wielding elf of justice?” I then hold my now glowing hand on the side of the blade and pull the sword off to the side putting a layer of energy on the edge of the blade. I then turned on my heel as I aimed the blade like one of my best friends had once taught me how to do. I then slashed down as I turned making a curved 180 degree energy slash blast.

I had aimed it to hit him and angled so it missed the girl since she was so small. The blast made him stumble backwards. I refused to stop with that alone so I continued to twirl as I waved my hand over the blade slash blasting him and going over the little girls head. Each hit hit him and made him stumble backwards closer and closer to the edge. The girl then ran behind me hiding knowing now that I was there to save her.

I smiled feeling good about helping the girl out. The man the shot at us but I held my hand up making a new force field with each bullet blocking each one until he was out of ammo. I then ran at him as I put my sword back in its sheath. I then tackled him off the roof and charged up energy in my fists and punched him with energy boosted punched until he passed out and sat on him as we landed in a dumpster.

I then climbed out and got back up to the roof looking to the little girl who ran up to me and hugged my legs. I blushed a bit never had I felt that feeling before, this was the first time I managed to use my powers to not only not hurt someone, but to save them. I smiled and picked the girl up and hand her get on my back. We walked around for about an hour or so, to my believing, until we found the little girls house.

I then went over to her window and climbed through the open window the man had used to escape with the girl. I set the girl down on her bed and smiled patting her on the head making her giggle. I then started to leave but she tugged on my skirt asking me to spend the night in her room. I blinked in surprise but smiled brightly nodding, I slept well that night in comfort and the warmth of a house and with a blanket.

Though that was cut short since in the morning the girls parents came in screaming at me and chasing me out of the window I had taken the girl back in through. I ran as fast as I could as they threw things at me thinking I had been in there to attack their daughter or something. Though when I looked back I smiled a bit since the little girl was waving good bye to me as I ran and I waved back before then leaving the area.