Reina [Ready for reveiw]

Full Name:Reina R. Renagade
Nickname(s):n/a
Codename:n/a
Alias(es):Wraith
Age:12
Race: Outsider wraith-is undead but can be killed and or harmed like any other human being



Hair Color:silver
Eye Color:vilot
Gender:female
Height:5"3
Weight:115 lbs
Other Traits:wisps of smoke fallow her form


Powers
-Physiology - mist form- her and any gear on her person can turn into a "mist form"
she can sustain said form for a total of 15 minutes in this form she cannot be harmed by physical attacks however she also cant attack while in this form as well as the longer she holds this form the more tired she gets so using it in bursts is her best option. in this form she is intangible meaning she can avoid all attacks that are physical:ie guns ,blades and  explosives  but only that so as long as she remains tethered to her guardian- it takes her bout 1 minute to consintrate as well as the same ammount of time to switch back  

-ghost guardian- said ghost is tethered to the wraith anything it feels she will feel and vice versa, they cannot be more than 30 feet away from each other or both will start to die and be returned to the afterlife  it is also the reason she is in the realm of the living its her grounded tie to this world . it can be harmed just like Wraith however it can only be harmed by wepons used to kill undead and ghosts were as Wraith can be killed by just about anything , also the ghost cannot interact with the world around him other than voice sight his presance , he can still be damaged by the pain share or magic

sub power for ghost guardian- scout - said spirit will act like a extra pare of eyes keeping the one its guarding always aware of their surroundings it help see normal things within the mortal relm but also can see astral meaning spirits angles demons and such

second sub power- pain share - damage that could be serious or fatal can be shared between the guardian and the wraith meaning = if a serious wound ie broken bones burns or deep cuts would turn into minor wounds , and fatal would turn into serious wounds Ie gunshots ,explosive damage, magic meant to kill undead, however the total ammount of damage either of them can take before succoming to either death or incapasitation is that ofany normal human that meaning if either of them gets shot enough to were their pain share wont help say 5-6 times depending on the gun it will kill either one off them thus sending both back to the afterlife     

Skills
able to use a marksman rifle fairly well , how to keep to the shadows and stealth properly, fight other wraiths

Physical Weaknesses
holy magic and  necromancy , unable to be no more than 30 feet from her tetherd freind, unable to enter other peoples home's without their primision,and  nth metal
-

Mental Weaknesses
ptsd : having to do with dieing
abandonment issues
being alone in the dark: having to do with the afterlife  
-

Equipment
a mk11 marksmen rifle and a p226 pistol and one worn teddy bear that Ren gave her as a child



Personality
is a kind hearted individual who will put others before herself she will protect those she cares for as well she can be childish at times due to her age and as such keeps ahold of her teddy bear that Ren gave her before she died though she can and will be angry and demented twords those who wronged her in her old life and seek them out to end theirs

Likes
-her teddy bear candy and being around her "papa , ren"

Dislikes
darkness, her killers , vegtables

Habits/Hobbies
talks to ghosts


Family Members: ren : adopted father,
kain: ghost guardian/real father, bonnie: mother: deceased  

Place of Origin: the streets of jump city as a homeless orphan
History

Reina grew up in jump city with her widowed mother her father unfortunately died before she was born due to serving in the us armed forces.  later her mother was killed due to owing a dept to a merc group who harassed them for protection money.
when her mom was killed she survived by hiding and met ren in the apartment complex she and her mother stayed in. later ren adopted her raising her as his own while simultaneously hunting down the people who killed her mother  
Reina was then the  adopted daughter of Ren. however one day the leader of those Mercs came and killed her because they said and quote "we dont leave loose ends"  thats when her life ended and the life of Wraith began.

she spent two years in limbo unable to find her way to the afterlife. the blank void of darkness her home. alone and afraid she wound cry and cry till the spirit of her real father Kain an  military soldier found her in limbo. she finally found someone to talk to and from there on Kain managed to get them out of limbo and back to the land of the living making Reina a Wraith and him her ghost guardian. withen the time being back Kain had been teaching her how to fight and kill all while protecting her from being found by anyone who catches the act their first order of business reunite with Ren.

Right, first thing (literally) is minor but still needs to be addressed is your leaving the "character quote" completely untouched. I would appreciate it if you please added a character quote based on your character, to help flesh her out so to speak. Or you can remove the "{Character quote/saying}" entirely, as it doesn't look very nice to leave pieces of the template unfilled.

Next the Nicknames, Codename, and Alias are all blank too. Again, not a major problem but I would appreciate it if you atleast filled these sections out with none, N/A, or whatever you deem appropriate for your character.

Before I even get to the actual powers, I need some clarification as to what she is. You say she is a Wraith, which is an Undead. You even go on in her history that she DIED and was brought back. Is she an Undead? Or can she be stabbed, shot, and killed like a normal human being?

Wraith Form: Can she walk through walls or other PHYSICAL objects? Does it include people? I.E: Someone trying to punch her. How long does it take to change from mist to solid or vice versa?

Spoopy Ghost: Is there a set range to how far this thing can be away from her? Can this ghost interact with the world around it in any way? Because in it's "Pain Split" ability, it SOUNDS like it can be damaged. Also are it's senses still within human limitations?

Pain Split: Based on your answer to it interacting with the world: it's already dead. So if someone damages Wraith, what is the extent of damage they can split between them until either one of them "die" or is incapacitated?

Physical Weaknesses: I require some more specific examples of what kind of magic can affect her please. I'm going to suggest Holy magic for a start. And the limitations of her ghost guardian doesn't help. What are it's limitations and how do they directly affect Wraith? Also, please add Nth Metal due to it's ability to harm ghosts.

Personality: We require more then a single line of personality. Please go into more detail who Wraith is as a person, flesh her out.

Place of Origin: Please tell us where she came from here so no one has to track down another thread to find the answer.

Background: The first line confuses me. "Reina was the adopted daughter of Ren who raised her and him both while also being a mercenary on the side however one day the leader of those Mercs came and killed her because he thought she was making ren weak thats when her life ended and the life of Wraith began"

The section in Bold is the line I'm referring to. The lack of cohesion makes it difficult to understand. Ren wasn't a solo merc and was part of a group? ALSO, I'm going to ask you to please include atleast a paragraph about her life before Ren adopted her. Why did Ren adopt her? Why was she an orphan? WHERE did she come from? Stuff like that.

Also, I notice your 2nd paragraph has 0 punctuation. This kind of thing is not pleasant to look at or read for other people. There needs to be commas and periods.

ok ill fix it as soon as i can currently at work

ok edited

Mist form: So she is intangible to everything, including the elements? I thought it was just physical attacks and the like. Please clarify this for me.

Spoopy Ghost: You still haven't told me whether or not it can interact with the world around it. As in, can it physically touch or harm other people, throw stuff at people- etc.

I'm also going to assume by the fact you state that Wraith can be killed by anything as her being purely mortal. If that is incorrect let me know.

ALSO, you have not yet told me how long it takes her to shift from intangible to tangible. I don't require a long time, I just require one to ensure that she can't instantly shift to avoid an attack, and then instantly become tangible to shoot someone in the same breath.

edited