Top posting users this week | |
Top posting users this month | |
Who is online? | In total there are 29 users online :: 0 Registered, 0 Hidden and 29 Guests None Most users ever online was 883 on Mon May 24, 2021 8:15 am |
| | Zero Sukio Done | |
| | Author | Message |
---|
Zero Sukio Newbie
Posts : 34 Join date : 2011-03-18 Age : 29 Location : Behind you with my Katana around you neck, about to kill you
RPG character Name: Dimitri Lock Code Name: Zero Sukio Villain or good guy?: Good
| Subject: Zero Sukio Done Fri Mar 18, 2011 8:51 am | |
| Dimitri Lock Aka Zero Sukio===IDENTITY=== Full Name: Dimitri Lock Codename:Zero Sukio Nickname(s):Z, Ze, Zero, Dimi Alias(es): Assassin, Ninja Age:16 Birth date: June 1994 Classification: Ninja/human Affiliation: Good/Any Heroes in Steel city ===PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION=== Hair Color:Grey Eye Color: Brown Height:6'3 Weight:240 Other: has a long scar down the right side of his face. He also has two tattoos one on each upper arm near the shoulder, Both being Kanji for Lightning and Fire. ===POWERS=== Powers:Above Average Human Conditioning: Having undergone an evidently vigorous and intensive training regimen under his parents, Zero has exercised physical form to perfection for someone of his age. Speed: Zero is shown to be able to run at above the average speed for a teen of his age. Endurance: Zero's endurance is at the peak of a boy his age and size. Agility: Zero has proven to be at the peak of human agility. Strength: Zero's physical strength is much higher than most teens his age. He is able to punch a small crater into a wall. ===PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILE=== Likes: Blades, Girls, Ramen, training, riding his bike and fighting Dislikes: Losing, Rejection Strengths: He is very smart and can use tactics Weaknesses: when in battle a girl is used as a human shield. Skills:Master Martial Artist: Zero can take out his enemies with a few punches and his agility Master Acrobat: Zero has proven to be able to perform aerial maneuvers and flips. Master of Stealth: Zero is a master at stealth, capable of disappearing and reappearing without anyone noticing. Escape Artistry: Zero is capable of escaping from various traps and locks in impressive time. Detective Skills: Zero has shown impressive deductive reasoning. Expert Mechanic and Vehicle Driver: Excellent at motorcycle driving, and maintains it himself. Master Hacker and Computer Technician: Zero has shown that he is more than capable of easily gaining access to almost any computer or program he wants in a matter of seconds. He was easily able to hack into Teen Titans files with little to no effort on his part. Master Swordsmen: Zero is a master at using his sword as he was trained by his parents to use. Equipment: A titanium black Katana, Kunai, shuriken, Ninja wire, smoke bombs, Grappling gun Z-Bike - Spoiler:
Zero has his own personal mode of transportation, a customized sports coupe that he named Z-Bike which goes at 190mph. When its battle mode is activated, Twin blaster appear from the front and fire rapid shots. Holographic Computer: Zero also has a computer interface and hacking cable attached to his glove which gives him easy access to building schematics and data files. There is a USB-cable that he can hook up to larger system, that will allow him access. Habits/Quirks: Zero never gets ill eg: Cold's, flu, infection. This is because he has a very high Immune System which he got from his Parents. Personality:Zero is cool, calm, and collective. He has a serious personality but has a warm spot when it comes to training and learning new moves. He is constantly wanting to gain more power to protect his teammates. His expression remains neutral and sullen, when inside of him, he thinks of many things. Zero is very cunning and observant, marking him very proficient in being a squad leader, but Zero himself dosen't want or like such responsibility. Although he does believe that teamwork is the most important value above all. He's very happy when it comes to sparring or fighting an enemy. It could be a pain but he enjoys 'warm-ups". He shows immense respect for all his teammates. When a comrades' life is endangered, Zero will risk his own life to save them. ===PERSONAL BACKGROUND=== Family: None Place of Origin: England Current City:Steel city History: Zero was born to two Shinobi and from an young age was trained to use their art and use his powers. Zero was Ten when his parent died during a fight with Villains in England and Zero was taken to Steel City by a family friend. Zero turned Twelve when he took the name Zero Sukio to fight crime like his parents. Zero fought crime for four years and still was not getting tried of it. He when to give up once, but Crime never gives up and carried on. Zero like to take the costume off and walks the streets as Dimitri and get job but it never works out, he has a job and that is crime fighting. Sample RPZero dashes at the criminal with Lightning sparking and crackling in his hand. "Your going down" the Shinobi shout as he grabs the man shoulder and blood drips from it and falls. Th police could be hear and Zero teleported to the roofs and watches the police take criminal to the hostpital and then to the Station. Zero walked back and turned Teleporting once again. Zero appears by the dock and sits on the Boat house roof and lays on his back, looking at the clouds floating around. "I miss you mum, dad" Zero says softly. (I tried my best )
Last edited by Zero Sukio on Mon Mar 21, 2011 3:19 pm; edited 17 times in total | |
| | | Emblem Infinimagus on Fire
Posts : 925 Join date : 2009-08-27 Location : The Netherlands
RPG character Name: Code Name: Emblem Villain or good guy?: Good
| Subject: Re: Zero Sukio Done Fri Mar 18, 2011 10:16 am | |
| Alrighty then. Let's get to comments. I think it's safe to assume you based this character off the Naruto universe. That's all swell but there are members who do not know what a hand-seal is or other terms such as explosive notes. I do, but that's not the issue. Furthermore, I need a lot more elaboration on the powers. I'll show you: - Quote :
- Fire Creation - Can create fire from no ways and use it against an enemy, he mainly uses the tiger handseal to make it.
I bet the handseal won't take much time, but how many fire is created? A mere fireball, a firestorm, walls of fire? What form does this fire take? If it's like Katon: Goukakyu no Jutasu then it's a blast of flame hailing from the mouth, but that has more handseals as well. As I read it now, it sound as if it can come from anywhere. Basically, what form does the fire take and how much fire is created? Can he do this all the time, and if not, how fast does this wear him out? - Quote :
- Lightning Creation - the same as his Fire power but it does not need a handseal, this power also increases his speed and agility when used.
Same questions as Fire Creation. Where does it come from? How much? How strong is the attack? Furthermore, how far is his agility increase,d and how fast is he when using lightning, seeing that gets raised as well? - Quote :
- Teleportation - can appear instantly anywhere
As you describe it no it's a complete no-go. That power is quite easy to abuse in fights. If your character can teleport, I want to know how he does it, how fast it goes, how far he can teleport at a time, how fast he can do it in sequence and hwo much it wears him out. And of course, if it can be used in battle. - Quote :
- Strength - His strength is slightly increased
How strong is your character then? You don't need to give me complete details, but possible a reference to another character, or how much he's able to lift or anything? And regarding your skills, please tell me how good he is in everything, if possible, and what exactly do you think are 'ninja skills'? In concise form, I want you to be very precise. You may know what kind of dude your character is, others do not. Please be as precise as possible to make sure no mistakes arise. Edit these changes into your profile and I will get back to you! Kind Regards, Emblem | |
| | | Zero Sukio Newbie
Posts : 34 Join date : 2011-03-18 Age : 29 Location : Behind you with my Katana around you neck, about to kill you
RPG character Name: Dimitri Lock Code Name: Zero Sukio Villain or good guy?: Good
| Subject: Re: Zero Sukio Done Fri Mar 18, 2011 10:18 am | |
| | |
| | | Zero Sukio Newbie
Posts : 34 Join date : 2011-03-18 Age : 29 Location : Behind you with my Katana around you neck, about to kill you
RPG character Name: Dimitri Lock Code Name: Zero Sukio Villain or good guy?: Good
| Subject: Re: Zero Sukio Done Fri Mar 18, 2011 10:34 am | |
| is this any better | |
| | | Emblem Infinimagus on Fire
Posts : 925 Join date : 2009-08-27 Location : The Netherlands
RPG character Name: Code Name: Emblem Villain or good guy?: Good
| Subject: Re: Zero Sukio Done Fri Mar 18, 2011 10:55 am | |
| Strenght and teleportation.
I did not ask why he's a bit stronger. I asked how much stronger he is in comparison to a normal human.
I'd like a frame for teleportation without post counts. We don't use them here.
Furthermore, you added some more things. I did not see the Z-bike the first time, nor the fact that he never gets ill. If he doesn't, then why?
Also this attack thing you added to the Fireball power, please make it more clear, this is one big rambling paragraph about a power, what a handseal is and one attack he knows with it. All in that one small Power paragraph. Please make it more clear for others.
| |
| | | Zero Sukio Newbie
Posts : 34 Join date : 2011-03-18 Age : 29 Location : Behind you with my Katana around you neck, about to kill you
RPG character Name: Dimitri Lock Code Name: Zero Sukio Villain or good guy?: Good
| Subject: Re: Zero Sukio Done Fri Mar 18, 2011 11:09 am | |
| | |
| | | Guest Guest
| Subject: Re: Zero Sukio Done Sun Mar 20, 2011 4:31 pm | |
| Ok, since you asked me here's my personal assessment on how to make your app better and hopefully speed up approval for you. The main problem with your app is you base it like we've all seen Naruto before, but believe it or not some people don't like Naruto and know nothing about it. Therefore some of your powers make no sense to them. An example is to me a hand sign could be you flipping me off or you giving me the peace sign, I don't know what it looks like or how many you have to do or what. So here's what I suggest: 1) Explain what a hand sign is and what it allows you to do in detail. Why you're the only one it works for kind of stuff. 2) Also what's the biggest size ball of fire he can make? I usually relate sizes of things to things I know in real life. EX: A Tree, A human, A Sky Scraper, A House, A Basketball etc.. 3) Your Z-Bike, it's not bad I have something like it to. But, could you explain a little more about it. Like how fast it goes, (You could compare this to other cars, or bikes.) Does it have any other stuff we don't know about like a built in communicator or can it pull/push another vehicle? Also how sturdy is it, can it block gunfire, and finally...How deadly are the laser canons and how many lasers can it fire in succession??? Like big laser blasts or rapid small ones? 4) - Quote :
- this power also increases his speed and agility when used. Zero used this power for close combat mainly, he can create lightning from his right hand and make a small blade of lightning he can attack with.
Lightning Palm Lightning engulfs his hand and makes his hand like blade and pierce flesh, Earth and metal easily. He also adds lightning to his weapon to do more damage. His speed and agility increases double his original but if uses the bonus more then twice he collapse. ^ First I would change the part I underlined to say "when IN USE" to paint a different picture in everyone's mind that it is only increasing while your palm has lighting on it, rather than after you finish using it. You need to explain how much faster it makes him, like he can move near the speeds of what animal? Or as fast as an Olympic runner or could he dodge a bullet? Could he run a city block in a matter of seconds what? You just tell us he's fast, but we don't know how fast. Also this attack is too powerful, I could see the piercing human flesh thing working and I'll give you rock MAYBE rock, but this should be limited to just earthly materials. Also piercing metal is a little much, if anything I'd say it can pierce steel and iron at most, because some metal's not even Superman can break through easily. So ya tell us what's the hardest metal it can break through. Using tank armor, or a type of vehicle/shielding as a reference if you must. When you say he can add it to his weapon to do more damage, explain how it does more damage? Like if you stab someone does adding lightning make you stab harder or something? That confuses me a lot. I'd say when you stab something with enhanced lightning added to it, it electrocutes them as well or it makes it so your blade can cut through armor that's tougher than it or something like that. 5) Getting pissed easily is NOT a weakness, a weakness is something that can kill or hurt you. Please think of some. 6) When you say he can eat anything that makes no sense. If I give you poison ivy, or acid, or glass, or a brick, or nuclear waste and he eats it...He's going to be ok? No, get rid of that it makes no sense at all. If anything revise it to say he can't catch a cold because his parent's combined DNA gave him a extremely resilient immune system that fights all diseases including Aids, Cancer, etc..However saying he's immune to stuff like knockout gas and stuff like that just doesn't make sense and would actually count as a superpower. 7) In your skill's section you put he can use "Decoys" to win fights? What the heck is a decoy, I know because I watched Naruto, but if I didn't I would be like huh!?! So please explain what the heck a decoy is and how you use it, how it works etc... 8 ) If you're going to be using Decoy's like Naruto, that means you're character must be pretty fast to make a switch within the blink of an eye unless it's part of your powers to do so. With that in mind, how fast and strong is your character naturally. Is he much faster than a human, saying he's got ninja like abilities doesn't make him faster than a human or anything really. Because Samurai's once dominated Ninja's in combat in real world history before. So ya, please explain why and how he is a SUPER ninja preferably in your skills section. That's all I've got really, if Emblem disagrees with anything I put then I would listen to him because he's approving the app. Some of the stuff I mentioned he may not even see as a big deal or necessary to be explained. I'm just kind of a Nazi when it comes to questioning other's characters. |
| | | Emblem Infinimagus on Fire
Posts : 925 Join date : 2009-08-27 Location : The Netherlands
RPG character Name: Code Name: Emblem Villain or good guy?: Good
| Subject: Re: Zero Sukio Done Mon Mar 21, 2011 4:01 am | |
| Shell no, I got nothing more to add or disagree on. Reminds me I need to be more precise when explaining.
| |
| | | Zero Sukio Newbie
Posts : 34 Join date : 2011-03-18 Age : 29 Location : Behind you with my Katana around you neck, about to kill you
RPG character Name: Dimitri Lock Code Name: Zero Sukio Villain or good guy?: Good
| Subject: Re: Zero Sukio Done Mon Mar 21, 2011 2:24 pm | |
| is this any better thought i would go no powered human | |
| | | Emblem Infinimagus on Fire
Posts : 925 Join date : 2009-08-27 Location : The Netherlands
RPG character Name: Code Name: Emblem Villain or good guy?: Good
| Subject: Re: Zero Sukio Done Mon Mar 21, 2011 3:31 pm | |
| Alrighty, I think it's good enough. This profile has been changed enough anyway. As it is: APPROVED.However, if you want to include the handseals, then it's still possible. You don't have to drop it because of the critique you got. All you need to do is describe what an handseal is, what your hands look like, and what effects come forth from it. Goukakyu no Jutsu would be somewhat like a breath of fire, breathing fire in a cone, size varying from a basketball to about what, 4 feet? Enough to engulf a lot of dudes in serious heat. Before I move the application, tell me if you want them or not. If so, edit it in and I'll have a look | |
| | | Zero Sukio Newbie
Posts : 34 Join date : 2011-03-18 Age : 29 Location : Behind you with my Katana around you neck, about to kill you
RPG character Name: Dimitri Lock Code Name: Zero Sukio Villain or good guy?: Good
| Subject: Re: Zero Sukio Done Mon Mar 21, 2011 3:32 pm | |
| no thank you i got bored of it | |
| | | Sponsored content
| Subject: Re: Zero Sukio Done | |
| |
| | | | Zero Sukio Done | |
|
| Permissions in this forum: | You cannot reply to topics in this forum
| |
| |
| |