Teen Titans Legacy

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 I'm Sorry

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AuthorMessage
Energy
Ωmega-class Metahuman
Ωmega-class Metahuman
avatar

Posts : 5423
Join date : 2012-02-23
Age : 20
Location : My bedroom where I spend most my time cause I have no life XP

RPG character
Name: Milicondras Gen- *is shot and a new person walks in clearing his throat* Miley.....
Code Name: Fire Spitter (But that's only in other worlds.... for now 0 u 0)
Villain or good guy?: Good

PostSubject: I'm Sorry   Tue Jan 26, 2016 3:28 am

Dear fellow members,

I would like to say why i suddenly vanished only to really pop on to see things, reply to pms, or help a member… and why I am going to ask tib to remove me of all my staff member status so no one wonders why i will be a normal member and why i’m gone…. After today I will only really come on to check up on things or reply to pms… but I won’t be rping at all nor being a staff member any longer….

Only recently have I felt when I could only imagine old loyal members of the site felt before they left the site…. but this has been coming since summer when I first was drove to a sadness and to the point of crying and wanting to leave the site and never return… and since I lost all muse to my characters that no longer feel like them any longer…. I will not be going into what has been going on irl because those who know know how much is has been impacting me and how i don’t like to share my irl info because I don’t want to be pitied.

I have learned over time that no matter who i talk to They will always feel bad for me when i tell them about my past or what has been going on but only a select few have managed to hear my stories and not see me differently. I don’t tell any of you who don’t know about my irl issues because unlike many out in the world I want to be held accountable for things I do and treated like any other person and not have others make excuses for me.

I wanted to be known as great for what I could do on the site and for others not for what I have been through and still walk the earth today to tell the tale because I was stronger than most who would end up hurting themselves or ending their own lives because of what they had to go through. I want this because I simply don’t see my lack in self harm as strength I see it as being average and not sinking low enough to the point of hurting myself.

Now I don’t see others who hurt themselves as weak or beneath me… I know what they felt to have to get to to want to end their own lives or hurt themselves because I will be honest… I was suicidal when I first joined the site…. I was alone literally, and my only communication to the outside world was everyone here…. And some may know this already with how i hurt Jenny so much back in the day and how Miley back in the day was suicidal… They back then were major things that helped me release my pain by portraying my thoughts and feelings through themselves….

I know what it feels like but I managed to tough it out doe to not strength but ignorance and thinking that that honestly was how life was supposed to be… how a childhood should be and I thought that the hate I had gotten from everyone even my only family, besides my mother, was received because I thought I somehow deserved it so I took it because I wanted to take what I deserved even if I didn’t know why I deserved it. Though now I just know I just have bad luck in the fact that I for a long time was stuck with horrible people being around me.

I now know that is is only dumb luck that I have lasted this long and not because something horrible that I witnessed first hand on what I could have become. It was that… and those I called my friends on here. Though I won’t lie… most to all those I had trusted back in the day… ended up not only stabbing me in the back… but using the information I trusted them with… to attack and hurt me and even use them to hurt me physically by stressing me out and mentally hurting me to the point of my heart condition that I have gained do to stress and pain over the years and even got me to the point of needing to use an inhaler at times and having serious medical issues.

And to you…. you who hand a major hand at hurting me while trying to turn my only remaining friends against me… while staying on the site and playing dumb and even now still lurk on the site…. I hope you one day come to understand the pain you put on me… the medical issues you helped cause me… the distrust you help me hold towards the world and others… and learning the utter disgust one can hold towards themselves after learning how weak they are to let themselves be hurt so badly by another….

But to you… I say thank you… because due to you I have become stronger… yes colder and distrustful and hateful at times towards others… you helped me learn that I frankly am okay with being alone… that feeling alone is okay and I can live through it… you helped me push away my ‘friends’ irl that were apparently just using me and helped me push them away to avoid drama in my life and cause me to only trust very few of them and helped me bond with the girl who was my only friend I really had at the end of my high school life because she had people like you hurting her too…

We bonded over health issues, pain of the past, and our hate towards people like you…. so thank you and I hope that you one day can understand my pain so that you can grow out of being such a horrible child and become an adult and a decent person… because I honestly think you sir can become great….. and I honestly hope you don’t prove me wrong….. and I wish best of luck to your future victims that won’t believe my words until they are already being stabbed in the throat by you…. and maybe one day you can use those skills in deception to do something good without hurting someone….

But…. thanks to the rest of you who have been there for me when I was crying, when I was hurting, and when you thought I was happy when I was faking it so I didn’t bring you down but somehow managed to still make me feel better as I sometimes just sat silently in the cb watching you all talk… thank you so much… and I wish nothing but happiness to all of you… even to you Izzy…. even you back in the day managed to help me through so much… and unknowingly helped me from not dying due to dehydration because I was crying so much….

I hate that I can’t find such joys in our conversations anymore… I hate that I have in the past had been talked into doing or saying things that drove us more apart…. I hate that we can’t talk about our love in the same shows without something bad happening on both ends… I hate many things I have said to you… and I truly do apologize for all the pain i caused you because I will admit that I am just as guilty as you as for why our relationship as friends is so horribly rotted…. and I apologize for when I will not talk to you at times in the future do to fear of us fighting…. and I understand when you do the same to me….

As many know… I constantly dreamed of making this site as great as it once was…. and as of today I realise… that due to certain reasons…. I personally can not do what I dreamed of… and honestly at this point… have given up….. on everything on this site…. gaining my lost muse for rping on this site back…. on killing corruption in the staff… yes… many were right about the corruption… I’m sorry if certain staff members distrust me or hate me now for revealing this but it’s true.. but the belief in who was corrupted for the most part in the staff was incorrect…

Many staff members that were said to be or thought as corrupt… were some of the few like me who were trying to kill the corruption. As for why we never said who was corrupted nor why I do not say who now… is because if we did those said members would cover their tracks and tricked many into believing they were good and manage to stay and remain unpunished and causing the site to fall further from how great it once was…

As many of you know a certain member who caused much issues, members to leave, abused power, and even caused admins to leave… is still around… because of the lack of secrets we held managing to let the member find out we were onto them and cover their tracks and come out smelling amazing. And yes… this member is infact why I was so paranoid with izzy so much…. and why I am paranoid about multiple members but keep it more well hidden than my paranoia with Izzy….

To those members who are about to stay navie… if you ever become a staff member you will understand why I don’t like bringing just anyone into the staff… and why I still say I have much to learn…. You will learn things when you become a staff member or trusted enough to learn infor from staff members enough to hear things you wish you never did… to learn things that make you see everyone you thought were your friends that you wished you never learned… you will learn why many staff members are so paranoid and secretive that many of us are ‘shady’ to others…

I for one.. have found myself after becoming temp admin…. apologizing to past admins/to tib in a fit of a rather hysterical manner as I cried and begged in the fit of hysterical ness that the pain and sadness that was being pushed through you to get to another would stop and apologizing in hopes that it would stop while apologizing to them as you realized that they probably had to go through the exact same thing… to where they were curled in a ball on their bed holding their heads as they cried and shouted into this pillows as every member on the site argued and tried to make you settle arguments.

That they had to do so much to work with their irl life troubles that make their hearts ache in pain at times while trying to act professional happy or fine…. while they dealt with 100s of issues being put on them by members and yelled at for not posting cause they were busy irl, on site, off site but with members and trying to stay sane. While trying to do their best to make everyone happy only to learn they can’t… and only to be called lazy…. never active… or a bad staff member by those who don’t truly know what its like… and you can’t yell at them for their disrespect because they don’t know… no one can know… not truly… until they have faced what many admins have in the past…

I don’t care who you are… how much you know… or anything about you… You are NEVER ready to go through what many higher ups have gone through… because no one can really be ready…. not until they have been through it at least multiple times before… This is why I don’t let others be staff lightly and why other higher ups didn’t before in the past and won’t in the future… it’s because we know the pain you will have to face…. and we don’t want to put people we trust and or care for through that…. because when you become a staff member you will like it or not change or at least your view point of the site will.. and when you get to become a higher up…

That’s you sign the deed to your rping away….only to be gifted the right to rp until after you work for hours one end on other things and drama on the site. You will learn what it means to do something with not only with out thanks but to do it while people tell you that you do nothing or talk %#!@ about you and still walk in with a smile on your face ready to do it again and help those people who hurt you…… You will learn all the horrible things we have to keep silent about… that eat us up…. that we can’t tell the members about.

You will learn that we can’t tell them because it would take their innocence from them that was taken from us… that stops us… from ever going back to how we were before we signed off our innocence and get what we thought the site once was… because when they learn… they will see the site far different…. I personally can describe the site as a rainbow and #%!$#(@ candy land before I signed my innocence away… and now…. I can not even go into what it’s like now because no words could ever describe the toxic land I can now see it as at times that I shamefully have ran from…..

I left the site for a long while now because the site felt unwelcoming…. many members at one point attacked me and those I saw as my friends who were trying to help as monsters because of things that have been going on in the site…… I found myself crying whenever I hoped on the site because of the drama… The site that once made me happy when I was sad…. now hurting me…. making me depressed like I once had been in the past… making me feel the way I swore that I will kill anyone that made me feel the way my old step father did… how my brother did before he left never to speak to me again…. the site had become what I originally came to it to run from…

I believe it can still be a safe haven for others…. but for me…. I can’t see it ever becoming that way again… and to be honest me and some other online friends that I trusted started rping together off site and when I stayed with them and away from the site…. I was happy….. I was smiling…. and I was no longer crying…… I was going to come back…… but after hearing things are still crazy stupid…. I just… I don’t want to come back with how things are now…. so I’m taking the coward's way out… and leaving and having my staff position taken from me… because according to some others… there are people better fit than me to do what I do…

I will still respond to pms…..but I won’t be rping anymore… nor will I fully come back….. Due to this I will tell you all where my characters are now…. and my arc ending for jenny….

Miley: will remain in a coma…. move her don’t do whatever just tell me what you do to her when you do I still would like to know what happens to my characters especially when it’s one like miley who has been my baby for so long and helped me through so much.

Harpy: She escapes through tricking a guard into letting her out and then vanishes without a trace.

Jenny and Nightingale: They were to die and now are dead….. They died at the end of the arc of the two of them finally coming to trust each other like true sisters. The arc was to explain that the jewel she got was cursed and like the girl before her the moment she got it she was doomed to die and never allowed to be happy. This was not the original plan for jenny….

I made this to explain why all her friends in character always stopped talking to her or ignored her or didn’t really pay attention to her nor even noticed why she died…. and why she always nearly died. It was to explain that she didn’t really die before….

she was just stuck in a dead like state until nightingale unknowingly did was she was made to do and gifted her with energy so she could survive if she ever got into the state she had been in. It was to say she was dead and gone like the character I once loved but turned into who she was now because I made all of the forgetful ness and pain her ‘friends’ gave her affect her like it would any normal person.

But the part of the last presents she gave all her friends or when she talked to toji one of her last friends…. that she still respected and cared for all of them she just stayed away because she now knew that she was doomed to sadness and so was anyone she interacted with. The arc would end with EJ freeing Jenny’s soul at the cost of her being allowed to go back and trying to live a normal happy life so jenny could die and move on….

It then would end in a part of a post I already wrote where Jenny and Addison move onto their after life which is said after life not really to say if they go to heaven or reborn or anything I wanted it to be open for interpretation due to being not of any certain religion nor not one certain religion going to be reading the last post.

In their after life it shows that jenny and addison are now twin human sisters and jenny’s friends that she had to kill back in the day now alive and Jenny freed of all her horrible memories and filled with happy ones and she was mad young again to have another chance of the life she always wanted… which was that of a rock star with a happy family…. which was what nightingale also wanted.

It then shows that Nightingale also fit into her friend group and like Jenny she was allowed to have another chance at happiness. Jenny was to be pointed out that she was now with the only person who had been romantically with her to care for her and wouldn’t hurt her, Laney. And Nightingale was with a dorky fun to mess with boy who knew despite her messing with him she cared for him and let her be herself without trying to change her, Roy the boy who those who are jenny buffs know is the boy who taught Jenny the very basics of how to hack and was like her brother.

it then ends in all of them going to the place where every version of jenny at least once goes to…. the arcade to play video games… With this I even drew a picture of Jenny as her human self in this world which… some who I rp with off site now will now learn where the inspiration of this jenny of that world came from.. below I will put in a spoiler the unedited planned ending post and the picture.

For those who know I have been dreading to finish the arc this is why… it’s because I was killing off jenny… my baby girl… my first baby…. and I was not going to bring her back unless there was a reboot….. it was to be my final and proper good bye to her. Jenny now will be known as dead killed by an army of men and originally I was going to make it a small war battle between them and jenny and all who wanted to join in to either protect innocents or to save jenny but only to lose in the end to also say the fact that You just can’t win every battle which some members forget sometimes.

Spoiler:
 

With this I say goodbye…. To those who want to talk to me you know how to do so, either by pm or by other means we have established off site. I assure you it may take time but I will reply to pms if you send them but other than peeking back on the site or checking pms I won’t be on the site anymore because I just can’t take it anymore being on here with how it is and how some members are…. I am sorry…. Goodbye….

-Energy
-JennyNecowl
-Energy Warrior
-Milicondras
-******ses
-******se
-ShadowKnight

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Sterling
The Acrimonious
The Acrimonious
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Posts : 4074
Join date : 2011-02-27
Age : 23
Location : The hollowed end...

RPG character
Name: Kyte
Code Name: Akunin
Villain or good guy?: Evil

PostSubject: Re: I'm Sorry   Tue Jan 26, 2016 3:49 am

I wish you good fortune and safe travels, Energy. Never let your frustrations get the better of you. And if you ever need somebody to talk to, you have my gmail, and I'll always be right here. I'm sorry that the site bothered you so much that you had to leave it. I can only hope that we can make it a better place in your stead.

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Lucian Harkon IV
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God King Ferg
Delta-class Metahuman
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Posts : 602
Join date : 2013-03-13

RPG character
Name: Kalen Dragnov
Code Name: Wild Card
Villain or good guy?: Evil

PostSubject: Re: I'm Sorry   Tue Jan 26, 2016 4:01 am

Well that was a long read, as someone who has been on this site off and on for two years all in all i will be sad to see you go. As someone who has been an admin for many sites, I can understand the feeling of the rose-tinted glass all over the floor and where you trade off the time to rp to become the members checking monkey and become the main target for unwanted/unneeded toxicity. I respect the work you did for this site and making it what it is (the part of it that kept me crawling back that is). For that I thank you for your hard work and wish you well on your future endeavors.
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The Muse
The Doctor
The Doctor
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Posts : 1319
Join date : 2011-01-29
Age : 21

RPG character
Name: Vira
Code Name:
Villain or good guy?: Evil

PostSubject: Re: I'm Sorry   Tue Jan 26, 2016 8:37 am

Sorry to see you go, bye.

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